- First you were born….
Kaoru: 17th February
-You are from Hyogo, right?
K: Born and growing up, all was in Hyogo. I was born at Kobe’s Hospital. When I was about 3 years old, we moved out, but it was within the city.
-What have you heard about the time you were born?
-What about the name ‘Kaoru’?
K: I had a relative whose name was 'Kaoru". He was a scholar. It seems like my parents wanted me to be as smart as this person and graduate from a first-class university and become an elite person. It didn’t turn out like that at all (laughs)
-It is an unusual name for boys, right?
K: Thats why I hated elementary school. I was told a lot “that’s a girl’s name～!”. At that time there was a CM for green tea that said “Kaori chan”, they would sing that CM song at me saying “Kaoru chan♪”.
- What kind of child was Kaoru in his early years?
K: It seems that since I was a kid, I liked to play outside. I played football or baseball, somehow, I liked to run. When I was in Elementary school, when we had a break, I ran all the way to the jungle gym at the end of the playground. The aim was to run at full speed and see who would get there first. I have memories of just running.
-So, you were an active boy…
K: But during class time, I was always drawing. Certainly, I learnt the fun of doodling on my desk for 3 or 4 years of Elementary school. During that time, studying was totally useless. As I was bored in class, I was drawing. I also had a desk at home too, but I never used it.
-Were you told “Study!” by your parents?
K: They often told me “Study!” but I was never forced to go to a cram school. I just went once to check it. Everyone was going to one, so I thought “what kind of place is a cram school?”, and I went once but there I thought “I definitely don’t want to go to a place like this!”. I guess when it was because when it comes to study, my family wasn’t strict. Then, I hated studying, but everyone was going to a cram school, so I got worried about myself. It was the kind of influence that made me start playing football when people around me started doing it. I guess I was the type that wanted to mingle in places where everyone was going.
-By the way, what is your first memories about being exposed to music?
K: I guess it was anime? I liked Doraemon’s songs and so. Then, The Beatles, my mother liked them. There were a lot of records of The Beatles at home and I often listened to them when they were played. Also, my father likes classic music, so he often played classic music in the radiocassette. There were also bought records made for children like “Oyoge! Taiyaki-kun” or Fujiko Fujio theme songs collections.
-What else did you like?
K: Games. Nintendo’s. At school I would draw, I would play outside until it got dark and then I would go back home and always played games. That was my every day.
-You already said that you didn’t study but, were your grades at school ok?
K: I hated when they returned the exams with the results (laughs) But besides that, I didn’t feel any particular pain for not being able to study. Only a bit of embarrassment like “I can’t do it at all!”.
-Listening to you, I think that you seemed like a very healthy and positive boy.
K: That’s it. There weren’t many negative things. I mean, I can’t think of any (laughs)
-What about your first love and relationships with girls?
K: My first love was at kindergarden, I liked a teacher. At Elementary school, I hated to flirt with the girls I liked. Usually when I liked a girl, I tried to talk to her casually, but it was impossible, so flirting seemed like bullying. That was how it felt.
-What about middle school? Did you manage to do it?
K: No way, I couldn’t do it. There was a feeling of embarrassment that won over me, anyhow I hated getting involved with women. I got love confessions from them too, but I also hated that. I was really amazed by naughty/punk girls and got involved and so on. But it was always with the feeling that “this is bad” (laughs).
-Weren’t you yourself a naughty/punk boy?
K: I wasn’t but I got along with guys like that. If you did something like dividing the class in groups, depending of the circumstances I could be seem as a one or another. That’s because I wasn’t someone who stand out in class.
-You weren’t the type that stands out.
K: I don’t really like to stand out. As my legs made me look as if I could run fast, every year I would get chosen for the class competition relay. As I hated to attract everyone’s attention, in PE class I would deliberately run slower to take a longer period of time. Maybe…. since that time, I hate being put in a in a position of responsability.
-Like a group leader or a class representative?
K: Absolutely. I didn’t do it. I used to play in the city’s football team, but I never trained so I didn’t get a uniform or a start number. However, as my legs made me look as if I could run fast, even if I didn’t practice, I was good so when it looked as the team was going to lose the match, I was told “You! Go!” and I would borrow the uniform of someone who even attending practice wasn’t good. That’s why my start number would change every time I played (laughs)
-In other worlds, I guess you were the type that even if you didn’t stand out at first, you ended standing out right?
K: I guess it was like that. It was because I was fast. But I wasn’t good at all at swimming. I hated putting my face under the water. When you are a kid, your parents will wash your face right? At that time, I hated being poured water on my head in the shower too. During summer’s vacations I would take supplementary lessons, but I still can’t swim (laughs)
-Did you have like dreams for the future or something that you wanted to become?
K: The only thing was….I guess being a manga artist? I was always drawing. I would think about punk comics and drew my own characters. I didn’t think seriously about my future until I was in high school. I was in my 3rd year of middle school, in a consultation for university choices and the teacher in charge asked me “where do you want to go?”, when I replied “here and here, because it’s where everyone is going”, they said “hah? Do you understand that It doesn’t work in that way?” and I was like “eh? Why?” (laughs)
-That wasn’t about studying at all…
K: I didn’t do it at all. That’s why I thought for High school I could go where everyone else was going to go. But when I was told that at the consultation, I realized for the first time “ah, I’m really a useless guy”. So, I went to a local school where I would live in a dorm but I dropped everything and I was the only one in class thinking “what should I do?”
-You were a free and uncontrolled boy, right?
K: That’s it. Somehow, I felt like I just liked to be where everyone else was. Rather than being an active part of the group, I would just follow it. It was kind of like floating around. The so-called ego woke up in my body once I entered high school. I started to be own self.
-You were a free and uncontrolled boy, right?
-So, what about high school days?
K: I was going to a high school near my house but, until I went to get the application for the examination, I was like “is a place like this a high school?”, it was a school that looked like a vocational school. Later, when I went to take the exam, even though it was a high school entrance examination, there was calculation, I remember doing the exam while thinking “if I fail this, I’m really a useless guy”. I was really nervous when I went to see the results days later. But even if I thought “It’s good that my name is there!”* and I went to the school thinking “I’m a useless guy for sure!” when I was asked by a homeroom teacher “how was it, how was it” and I said “I passed”, they would say “Congratulations!” (laughs) As I feel embarrassed, I felt like “please stop!!”.
*Often in Japan, if you name appears on a list of exam results, it means you passed, if your name is not there, it means you have failed.
-What kind of school was it?
K: It was really a hopeless high school. Bad punk guys, people with bad conditions or that couldn’t take middle school classes properly…. there were only that kind of people. When I was in middle school, I played sports, when I entered high school, there were many people who just gave up about their future. The topics when they gathered were about girls, television, Idol clothes or hairstyles…that were the main topics of conversation. After that, as expected, as there were a lot of punks, there were guys that would bring to school knuckle dusters (a weapon attached to your fist). The first time it felt like saying “there are embarrassing guys” but gradually everyone started to feel similar(laughs)
-Did you feel like you were deteriorating for being in such a place?
K: Well, I was thinking about what I would do after that. There were plenty of negative things too. I could no longer meet my acquaintances from middle school…. But gradually I started to open my eyes to bands, then I started to think that that was the only thing I had left.
-Unexpectedly, the reason of that was because you found about “X” (X Japan), right?
K: Yes. X debuted when I was in my first year of high school, so I listened to “Blue Blood”. Originally, when I was in my 3rd year of middle school, a transferred student came, he was a lot into metal and listened to various bands. Until then, if someone said metal, I only knew Seikima-II (laughs). Because of this person’s influence, I started listening to X’s “Vanishing vision”, DEAD END and Kinniku Shōjo Tai. However, I didn’t think about buying CDs myself, I was satisfied with the tapes that person dubbed for me. But with “Blue Blood”, I went expressly to the store to make a reservation and buy it.
-Is that so?
K: When I was back from school, I went to buy it. At an electronic chain stored called “Seidensha” I bought it and I got a poster too. Also, there was a rock flower ( a toy that moves as response to sounds) with the faces of the members of X at the store and I wanted it, but as one would expect, I didn’t get it (laughs)
-Making a reservation and buying… that means that your expectations were high.
K: That’s true. I never have booked anything besides Nintendo games. (laughs)
-What do you think that motivated you to that point?
K: Probably it’s connected with what we have talked about until now but, since long time ago, I have this tendency, I like to hang out with people and I also feel like I want to know what that people like. If someone says “this is interesting”, I honestly think “I’m going to try it too!” It’s like I’m trying to understand what people says it’s interesting. Maybe it’s because I like the other person, or I think “I want to get along with this guy”. I want to understand more about the other person. So, as I was good friends with this transferred student, I wanted to understand the things that he said that were “good”.
-As if it was a recommendation….
K: The band that this guy said that was cool was about to debut soon. Then I should buy that too. Maybe that’s what I thought.
-If you think about that, his existence is quite important, right?
K: That’s true. If this guy didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be what I am now.
Anyway, Hide looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is hella cool….” I thought. He doesn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see Hide.
-So, “Blue Blood” caused a huge impact on you. Can you remember that moment?
K: Of course. I came back home, with my uniform still on, I listened to it on the radio cassette. I had goose bumps all the time. Then, I was like “what a……”. Anyway, I listened to it all day at home and the next day I went to school and I “propagate*” it to everyone. I let the guys from my class listen to it.
*Kaoru says “布教” which means propagation (e.g. a religion); proselytizing; missionary work.
-You acted fast, right? (laughs)
K: From that moment, I started buying magazines, I would cut the articles of X and put them in plastic sheet. Then, a guy said to me “Eh? I don’t listen to this band” but he liked ZIGGY, so I said, “X is a bit different”. There was a guy who covered BOOWY songs… I was “attacking” people, one after another.
-This is the most active story I have heard until now (laughs)
K: For sure! I would bring the videos I bought to that guy’s house and I would show him the magazines too. The next day, I would tell another guy “Today we are going to hang out at your house” …. that kind of things.
-So, your music friends increased….
K: That’s it. Then, from that moment I started playing guitar.
-Why guitar?
K: As one would expect, it was for HIDE. I wasn’t really interested in guitar as an instrument until I saw a X Live. I thought that Hotei’s guitar strumming was cool though. I became obsessed with HIDE right after “BLUE BLOOD” was released, at the concert held in the medium hall of Kōsei Nenkin Kaikan in Osaka. It was my first-time watching X, my seat was at the back of the first floor, but as it was the medium hall, the stage was very close. Then, my eyes met TOSHI many times, it was like “he is pointing at me!” (laughs). Anyway, HIDE looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is so hella cool……”. He didn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see HIDE.
-So, you thought “I want to be like HIDE”?
K: The day after the concert, I looked up in a magazine where I could buy HIDE’s guitar model. Then, I went to an instrument shop at Amerika Mura, I think the shop is not there anymore, but I went there and if you didn’t do a reservation you couldn’t get it. So, I made a reservation on the spot and I paid it with the money I have saved from my part-time job and New Year’s gift. But it didn’t arrive for about 6 months.
-So, you started practising with a guitar borrowed from a friend’s sister.
K: Yes, yes. I started with the strings. Of course, I couldn’t play any song of X, it always was like I was only strumming. Since then, I gradually started to be surrounded by guys who liked the same bands, so we would gather at someone’s house and without an amplifier, we would practise together.
-Did it feel like “I have finally found something that makes me go crazy about it!”?
K: I was totally addicted/absorbed by music at that point. I would go every day to the bookshop and the record store to check if there was something new. At that time, from corner to corner, I would read every page of WeROCK magazine. I would read the pages for the recruitment of members too. (laughs) Then, I would go to indies shops and shops that were selling metal style clothes. I was attracted by things made of rubber or panted leather, that kind of fashion.
-What about your hairstyle?
K: Of course, I started to grow my hair long. At high school, long hair was not allowed but I told a teacher “I’m moving forward on my music’s path, growing my hair long is job hunting.”
-Those are defying words….
K: I said, “Because I already decided my path”.
-You were really thinking that?
K: Make a living of it……but yes. “I will play in a band!”, “I absolutely will be up on a stage”, I think I already decided that. “I will play in a band after graduating from high school, so if I cut my hair, I won’t be able to do it!”, I said. It wasn’t a homeroom teacher but a teacher who played guitar and I was told “if that’s so, then do your best”. But sometimes when I tied my hair up, I was told “if it is bothering you, cut it”, “I will overlook this but if it is bothering you, you should cut it, if you grow it that long, more than a man you will look like a Basset hound” (laughs) After that, during class I would hold a pencil and practise how to press down the chords, I was told “Take this class properly!” but I didn’t take it seriously.
-At that time, what about other music or bands besides X?
K: Unless the songs were fast, I wasn’t interested. One way or another, I’m a guy of sharp riffs and fast beats. Even though I really didn’t understand the riffs at that moment, it was like “fast riffs are life!”, that’s why at that moment I was barely clicking with Western metal. Rather than that, I liked punk because there were many songs that were fast. A person from the rental shop in my neighbourhood recommended IRON MAIDEN (British metal band) but I was like “I don’t understand anything at all!”. But I liked HELLOWEEN (German metal band)
The first song played at a studio was “NO NEW YORK” from BOOWY but we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer”, it’s like going up a stairway (laughs)
K:DEAD END didn’t have fast songs, but I liked them though. The melodies, the atmosphere of the songs, MORRIE’s looks, all that. As you know, I would get the information from magazines, so I liked people who looked cool and flashy. I also liked COLOR and D’erlanger among others.
-That’s national metal. Before that, there were bands like LOUDNESS and 44MAGNUM.
K: I didn’t go there. This is also a cool story but, the bands of that time, weren’t the ones with sauvage perm?
-LA metal style?*
*LA metal is a Japanese term that refers to rock bands that were active during the 80s.
K: Rather than those, the ones that put their hair totally up. The ones were the hair looked stiff until the very end. Also,I thought that if the hair wasn’t blonde or red, it wasn’t cool. That’s why COLOR and X were shocking. The hair was totally up and the songs were fast. The first thing I liked about those bands were the way the hair was standing up.
-When did you try to put your hair like that for the first time?
K: Probably months after I listened to “Blue blood”. I put it up by myself, at home (laughs) I was like “how do you do this?”. But, in a magazine said “use hair spray” so I went to buy it. I would my hair like that when I went to school too. It was like “this is what a man does” (laughs)
-Later, you would finally be in a band.
K: It was at my second year of high school. Our first live was at a school festival. Before that, everyone got into the studio to match the sounds. It was mostly imitation.
-Do you remember entering at a studio for the first time?
K: It was really messy. I think we were at the studio for maybe two hours. For the first hour, it was just a mess, playing around with the instruments. Then, I think we say “Let’s give it try” and played “NO MORE NEW YORK” by BOOWY. Of course,we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer” (laughs)
-That’s something naïve/innocent, right?
K: “We are like going up a stair way right? is it cool?” that’s how it felt.
-Then the first concert came…. You wrote in an article that you were so immersed into playing that you don’t remember it.
K: That’s true. I remember really well the preparations before the concert, though.
-What was that band’s name?
K: It was called “DIE:STERIA”. I attached the world DIE somehow with TERIA.
-It’s a coined word. Did you make it up by yourself?
K: That’s it. A lot of the bands that I looked at the magazines had D and then something else attached, so I thought it was cool. As I’m talking about this, I suddenly feel embarrassed (laughs)
-(Laughs) That’s being young, right? Did you make any original song with that band?
K: Just one. It was fast, like melodic speed metal. But I was just scratching the guitar.
-Is there a recording?...
K: I don’t think I recorded it. In the studio I would like “do this, then like this” “sing like that”…I explained everything.
-What about the lyrics?
K: The lyrics……I wrote them (laughs). The lyrics were pretty terrible. They were kind of violent (laughs) Then, there was a melody that could be played by an acoustic guitar with fast riffs.
-From that point, furthermore you could be part of an original band, CHARM.
K: I came up with that name too. I think I made it up thinking it means “to charm, to fascinate”.
- Even after graduating from high school, you continued in that band.
K: But as expected, my parents didn’t approve, so for the time being I got into a vocational school. After the first semester, I decided to leave the school, I went only to convince/persuade my parents.
-Even after graduating high school, the band activities were local.
K: That’s right but I would rather say that we didn’t do much. Some members were working so more than doing nothing, it was like we weren’t moving much. Some members were working so we had periods that we did nothing. I still felt like I have to do it properly, so I used to play at live houses. Even so, we would play once or twice a year. That kind of level. Then, we would hang out at someone’s house and made songs with MTR.
-By the way, did HIDE’s existence mean the same for you as before?
K: Well, even more, I was addicted/crazy about him. X was appearing more and more on tv and they were national wide. The more opportunities you have to see them, the more you are going to like them. “Ah, Hide is wearing new clothes” or “Recently his hairstyle changed a little”, things like that. I would record all their tv appearances and I would see all the magazines. At that time, candid/natural photos were sold a lot a the bookstores. I bought many of HIDE. I bought a big hat that looked like the one that HIDE was wearing.
-You were completely a HIDE geek/nerd.
K: That’s right. When they came to Kansai, I would definitely go to see them. I also went for Tokyo Dome performances, “White Night” and “Blue Night”. I took a night bus with my friends, we arrived at Tokyo very early and would kill time around until the time of the concert. After it, I slept at all-night movie theatre in Shinjuku and then took an early-morning bus to come back home.
-Admiring his presence in that way, did you ever think “I want to become like that someday?”
K: I didn’t. Because I was playing only locally. Because there weren’t things like sending a demo tape or doing an audition. That’s why after that, if I hadn’t had the encounters that I did, I would probably have kept being local.
-What would you say to the Kaoru of that time?
K: To myself at that time? I see…. “Practice more!!!, I guess (laughs)
-Is CHARM a band that was formed by classmates?
-“Let’s get out of Hyogo”
K: That’s right. Anyway, the purpose of starting this band was to “get out”. There was a live house in the local area, and there were some bands that released CDs from amateurs to indies, but the bands that were popular in the local area at that time were bands that wore long-sleeve T-shirts, slim denim pants and rubber soles shoes. There were many people like that in the local studio. There weren’t many bands like us….with long dyed hair…..That’s why I the person who worked part-time at the rental CD shop was super metal and I thought “There are real bandman in this city!”. There weren’t people like that.
-You couldn’t make connections with people like you.
K: That’s right. I rarely meet people like that in my hometown. In order to sell/promote myself, I have to go out first. That’s how the band started.
-What do you think that was the best thing you did when you were in the band at that time?
K: Doing my best?……what could be? (laughs) Maybe I don’t have a feeling of “doing my best”, or I don’t think I was conscious of “doing my best” for the band. Besides playing the guitar and arranging the songs, I did several things such as miscellaneous work and making flyers but I didn’t do it with the consciousness of “doing my best”, I did it anyway.
-It was only for fun.
K: I think so. It felt like I was making song while playing around, the members also were relaxed. Someone would go home and listen to some CD and say “let’s do something like that”, others would be reading magazines or watching tv next to them. Everyone gathered after work,from 8pm to 11pm, so it was like using that time to be together having fun.
-In the series you wrote for “Ongaku to hito”, you mentioned that you were doing various part-time jobs at this time.
K: I was. Sometimes I worked hard/plentifully, and sometimes I only worked for 15 minutes a day
-What is a 15-minute job a day?
.K: A part-time job that was just going to a pet store when it was closing and put the bird cages or the hamster basket in front of the store, inside the store. The hourly wage was about 1500 yen, but it only took 15 minutes. On the contrary, I also worked part-time for 12 hours. I had a lot of jobs, I don’t know if I was skilful or I was good at dealing with things but I looked like a competent guy. After a while, my salary went up and my position went up.
-Did you want to become a full-time employee?
K: That wasn’t the case. After all, I was doing it while thinking, “I’m in this place now, but I’m a man who won’t end up in a place like this”. I think I had a strong consciousness like “I’m working in this now for the band”. However, my parents told me every day, “What are you doing?” (laughs).
-What did you answer to that?
K: “No, it’s ok”. I didn’t borrow money from my parents, so I didn’t bother them.
-Around this time, there was The Great Hanshin Earthquake. I’m sure you were at your part-time job when the earthquake happened.
K: That’s right. It happened when I was working part-time at a glass factory. It was shaking around, but that always happened when a crane truck passed so I was like “is that it?”. I thought it was different from other times. When I thought about going home, the train stopped, and the ground was also cracked. On the contrary, it was like being in a scene that didn’t seem to be a real. However, the inside of my house was messed up, but it was okay. The impact of the earthquake affected many places. Many people quit bands because of that. It was just around the time I started playing at a live houses, so I was able to get acquainted not only with the locals but also with a wide range of people, so I thought “this is terrible”.
-What was a thing that you could do for the first time with CHARM?
K: I think it was a demo tape. I made it for the first time, so I was happy. A few years ago, I found it at my parent’s home, I brought it here and listened to it…. Surprisingly, the song wasn’t bad. The lyrics were horrible though (laughs).
-But CHARM’s activities ended in a little over a year.
K: Well, weren’t we playing for a year? I think that maybe there was a difference in the degree of enthusiasm between the other members and me. It was like there was a wall built between me and the other members. They would talk about giving up and I was like “should we?”. However, after disbanding, the other members except me formed a band together, so I was like “Oh, so it was my fault”. Whether the demo tape sold 3000 copies, or the live movements increased, I didn’t have money anyway. The more I moved, the less money I had, so I was worried. It was like “Can I do this?”.
-What did you do next after the disbandment was decided?
K: I was thinking about going to various live shows and look for members, when I was thinking about doing something like that, KISAKI suddenly called me. He told me “Can you join us as the guitarist is leaving?”.
-It was La: Sadie’s, a band formed by KISAKI.
K: He wasn’t a proper acquaintance, I just greeted him at a live house somewhere so, I should say that he kind of got suddenly in touch with me?
-Why was that?
K: At that time, there was the word “soft visual kei”. The thing is, there weren’t bands that looked flashy/showy and cool like that. There weren’t many guys that wearing a suit and looking stylish were heavy/ extreme. That’s why, I heard that there weren’t many people who looked flashy like me.
-That’s why he had his eyes on you.
K: Maybe. I hadn’t seen a live show of them, but there were La:Sadie’s posters on every live house at that time. Also, even though he didn’t see our live performance over there, he just saw the flyer and contacted me (laughs).
-So, for now, you went to see them playing live.
K: It’s the day after (CHARM) disbanded. I didn’t know how they sounded like, but when I watched them performing live, it was the type (of band) I really liked. There was no reason to turn down the offer and in a selfish way I thought “In order to join this band, the previous disband had to happen”. And I decided to join them.
-When it comes to members, you can say that this band was the predecessor band of DIR EN GREY, but what was your impression of them at that time?
K: It’s still the same, but (my first impression was) they weren’t that good at socializing (laughs). At first it was an exploration. It was like “What should I do when I enter the studio?”. But when I went it, it was like “Eh….is it like this?”. I mean, the song writing was the same as in my previous band but there weren’t many parts to arrange. If you could make a song to some extent, it would end there. I remember there weren’t many exchanges between us like, “I want to make this rhythm here” or “Let’s take a break”. It was done exactly what the composer has done in the studio. Well, it wasn’t interesting.
-Then, you came up with various ideas.
K: That’s right. Even at CHARM, I was just arranging rather than writing songs.
- After joining under the name of KAORU, the band’s recognition has even more.
K: About two months after I joined, we first appeared on the monochrome page of “SHOXX”. Everyone was happy at that time. Until then, even if the band name was listed in “Pia” and appeared in live house’s information places, it was like “Oh, we appeared in a national magazine!” (Laughs). From there, we advertised ourselves to sell our name, and we did various things.
-How was the planning and mobilization (people who came to the concerts) of live performances compared to the previous band?
K: When I was invited (to join the band,), it was a band that had already mobilized more than 100 people, so it’s completely different. I remember being so excited to be able to play in front of a lot of people, it was like “This is it!”. I finally got the feeling that I was on the start line.
-Did you feel like you could make it as a professional?
K: That wasn’t the case. After all, no matter if 3000 tapes were sold or the people attending the lives increased, I didn’t have the money anyway. Of course, there was some profit, but there was more money being spent. So, my anxiety/insecurity may had been bit. Like “Can I do it in these conditions?”.
-You were still working part-time as usual?
K: Of course. Because when I joined, I was like “As we are going on a tour now, how much should I prepare for many days”. There were many talks about money. It was a band only could play a certain number of lives . I think we played lives about one-third of the year. Even so, I feel hopeless as I didn’t make money working and writing songs. I couldn’t afford to think about the future at all. It’s the same for the other members, and I felt like “I wonder if this will end someday.” There were many people who said “I might not be able to play for a while”.
- By the way, how did you feel as a guitarist at that time? In terms of style and playing.
K: It was just like playing with a heavy sound and shaking your head (laughs). The guitar solo….it’s about playing a little phrase. I’m not very interested in it now or in the past.
-Are you not interested in guitar solo?
K: No, I like listening to them. But I don’t really want to play them myself…..it’s like, when a solo is being played I don’t feel like “Hey, I want to copy this!”…. More than that, I like when the high-volume sounds get muted (laughs). The feeling is better when I’m playing the riff like *makes the beat sounds*
-I’d like to ask you about bands you liked besides X at that time. Around that time, you started listening to NIN INCH NAILS and other overseas bands.
K: That’s right. I also liked The Smashing Pumpkins and I went to see their live performances. Around that time, I started listening more to foreign bands than Japanese bands. From Japan, I usually listened to LADIES ROOM and Extasy Records bands (Japanese label formed in April 1986 by Yoshiki).
-Was COLOR among these bands (You listened to)?
K: COLOR is also included. Once around that time, I got invited by a roadie of a band that was in Free-will but I thought “Free-will is scary” (laughs). I’ve heard rumours about TOMMY (DYNAMITE TOMMY / COLOR vocalist, founder of Free-will, DIR EN GREY’s label). He is a senpai originally from my hometown. I’ve never met him there, but I heard a lot about him (laughs). Later, I got to know about COLOR, and I knew that was TOMMY in the band.
- And La: Sadie ’s would be over in less than a year.
K: That’s right. I talked with each member like "What should we do next?” When we realized, it was like the four of us like “Do you want to do a band the four of us together?”.
“The feeling of “let’s go as far as we can go” Maybe this was the biggest chance we would have. That was the kind of thing I talked with the members. At that moment, we prepared ourselves for the worst.”
-Was it like “going with the flow”?
K: We weren’t friends like everyone would go drinking together or so, it’s a relationship more like neither too close to nor too distant since that time. There were invitations from other people (bands) to join them, but at that time there wasn’t a band like us, fierce and distant. I think it was a bit like “Let’s do it together” because there wasn’t any other place. There was no other band that I wanted to play music together. From our point of view, there were some questions like “Should the band be more intense/fierce?” and also, that it must be a visually interesting band.
- From there, DIR EN GREY started.
K: I think we talked about how me wanted to make a band more expansive than La:Sadie’s. But the fierce part was more extreme. Perhaps it was because I was thinking of becoming a band that no one had ever seen, and that made me feel like “we are definitely doing it!”
-Was TOMMY involved since the beginning?
K: TOMMY will appear later. But it seems that he has his eyes on us since La:Sadie’s. At that time, TOMMY was already in charge of bands and took care of them but at that time the chance didn’t come out. But when we were going to disband….. I was told this later but it seems that TOMMY said “I’m going to get a hold of every band that these five people do (laughs)”
-By the way, how was your first encounter with TOMMY?
K: The person who took care of us at that time said, “TOMMY wants to meet you.” “What’s that? Did we do something wrong?” (Laughs). That’s why I was nervously waiting at TOMMY’s apartment. Speaking of him, I had this image of him wearing a floral coat, a gauze shirt, leather pants and long boots, and when he came out wearing leather pants and long boots I was like “Wow! It’s true!” (laughs)
-That’s scary (laughs).
K: So when I told him “Thank you so much for inviting me”, he told me “Keep doing your best”….I was like “Eh?”. I just met him for a while, I didn’t understand at all why did he invite me. He just told me “Take care on your way home”. After that, I came out of Tokyo, and when I started a band here, I already wrote about it in the “Ongaku to hito” series but, it was decided that we recorded immediately.
-At a mobile home?
K: We made the songs there. We recorded and played lives in Tokyo. Then, we had more and more chances to talk and discuss with TOMMY about the details of the live performances. The next moment, it was decided that we enter Free-will.
-The situation changed since that moment.
K: That’s right. Under these circumstances I could concentrate on playing in a band and from that time on, producers gradually started to do their part…..Talking about a major debut become something more solid, so we were getting to go as far as we could. For the next lives, it’s was like going up the stairs, step by step. Until then, I was just rushing with the flow, but I started thinking about variations of the songs, the venues for the lives became bigger, so we thought about stage development….. I started to write songs considering the singles, like “let’s make a song like this”.
- At that time, did you have any dreams or goals that you all shared as a band?
K: (A goal/dream) shared with the members .. .. maybe there wasn’t anything concrete. We were trying our best to keep up with the situation. I personally wanted to make an album.
-Something like “We’ll play at Budokan!”?
K: I don’t think there was. Of course, I thought it would be great if I could play there, but more than that, the members were excited about things like “What about the PV of the next song?”
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-You talked about playing a live at Budokan before your debut, but was there anything that you feel couldn’t keep up with because of how fast things were going?
K: I was worried. It was like “Is it ok,can we do this?”, But when DIR started I prepared myself for the worst, it was like “let’s go as far as we can go”. After all, when we were told to come to Tokyo after the band started, I was thinking, “Let’s do this without rushing”. La: Sadie’s was just hectic, “Shouldn’t it be better to solidify the base here before going to Tokyo?”, “But maybe this is the biggest chance we are going to have?”, that was what we talked about. “If we don’t go to Tokyo this time, there might not be another chance anymore”. I talked with the members if we should prepare ourselves for any circumstance and accept it or not. And we decided to do it.
-Like, don’t miss your biggest chance.
K: Yes. Also, at that, we weren’t competing against other bands, as there was almost no relationship or interaction with other bands. There was this feeling that everything that wasn’t us was an enemy. It might feel like “We are not going to lose to any other guys, we are going ahead”.
- So, the band made their major debut, but in less than a year you were back indie. How did you feel at this time?
K: TOMMY suggested to do what we could do from that moment on. To be honest, at first I couldn’t keep up with that idea. I was like “Why did we come this far?”.
-It’s natural to feel like that.
K: So TOMMY asked me, “Would you like to do a band where an old man, president of the record company, tell you to make a song like this?”. So when I said “No, I don’t want to do that”, he said “Then, to do what we want to do, let’s protect ourselves”. That’s why while I said “That’s right” I was wondering if we could do this alone. But if we had done it as a major, the band might not have been like it is now. Maybe it would be more commercial, a band that didn’t make songs as a main thing. That’s why at that time I was grateful to TOMMY and I don’t think he was wrong.
- It was hard to get into the several hardships of doing a band from that moment, wasn’t it?
K: That’s right. It’s still the case now, but to tell the truth, I didn’t really have the consciousness of playing music. The feeling of “doing a band” was stronger than the sound. Even if things were hard, it felt like “We are a band”. At some point, I wonder if we were chasing a longing/aspiration somewhere. But from that moment on, I think I started thinking, “Let’s make a band where we can express ourselves, something that only we can do.”
-Was the band activity difficult after that?
K: It was hard (laughs). From that time on, it was really hard to write songs, I couldn’t make songs anyway. As I always say, I’m not the type of person that can immediately shape the sound that comes out. I’ll play what I’ve made while thinking “Is this really good?”. If my guitar skills were better, it might had been possible to shape it in a cool way, but it wasn’t the case. It seems that you can’t compete with your own guitar. That’s why I couldn’t intertwined everything, the rhythm, riffs, and melody in a cool way.
-In other words, you have to make a song while imagining the whole result.
K: But isn’t that the most uncertain part? Don’t you do it without knowing what each member is going to play? Perhaps, the biggest thing is that I’m not confident in myself. It’s like I came to this point only with heavy work (laughs)
- Well then, you’ve made many albums with that.
K: Right? (laughs) But….. I think I can only make it that way.
-What was the first album that made you think “I was able to do it!”
K: After all…..it’s “MACABRE” (released in 2000). I felt like “I made it!” Before this one, “GAUZE” (released in 1999) contained 5 singles, so I had a strong sense of filling the gaps, but “MACABRE” has a strong sense of creating one album. Also, from that point on, not only the songs but also the consciousness of the sounds changed. The sound became very hard.
-Have you ever thought about leaving the band?
K:…….. Yes. Yes, there are always moments like that. But it’s not like “let’s quit” but more like “want to escape”. Even now, I often feel like giving up while writing songs, I feel like “I can’t do it anymore”.
-Still, what keeps you in the band is….
K: It’s a strange way to say it, but it’s like while I’m thinking about that, there is a part of me saying, “Will you do it?”. There is another me. This one always says “Please do your best!” and the other is like “Yes, I’ll do it” (laughs). In other words, everything is up to you. Another self inspires the part of me who is about to give up. It’s like that.
-What do you think about bands that have disbanded?
K: I think it’s a waste. It’s like “Why are you quitting?”. I haven’t quit, so I don’t know how I would feel about quitting.So, if I quit the band, it would really end there. “Let’s do a comeback”, but after all, it’s over. So, no matter how hard I think it is, I don’t want to say, “It’s over”. Because it’s like “If you say it’s over, it’s all over”.
-Now, I asked you to look back on your half-life as a bandman so far. What about the future?
K: That’s right. It’s like…. There are times I think it’s not interesting anymore. It’s not interesting so I’m like “I think I can explore more” and things like that, but I get back on the rails before I knew it. It’s like “If you don’t do it with all your heart, in the end it’s going to be a band that is just active”. The more you continue, the more troubles you will have. Constantly I’m thinking about what if we can’t go ahead, but we also value our own personality, that’s why you just can’t do the same thing.
-I feel like you are always looking for something.
K: I always think about “something more”. I get worried because it doesn’t come out though. But the fact that the band can still do it, it’s is there. If I think “Well, someday”, I think I’d be lost.
-At this point, the members are making moves with solo activities.
K: After all, there are things they can’t do with DIR EN GREY, so I think they are doing it elsewhere. So, when I think about it, in my case, there’s nothing I can’t do with DIR EN GREY. After all, even if it is just once, before I die I have to try to make my own album, but what I want to do now can be done with DIR EN GREY. Of course, I also want to know my limits and possibilities, so I’d like to try making a work by myself someday. It’s a personal goal.
-You could say that this book is the first result of your solo work.
K: Yes. It’s a strange way of saying it, but it feels good the first thing I put out by myself was a book. It’s like really relaxing…..you can do it without putting too much effort. Of course, this is the first time I’ve made a book, so I wonder if I should just put what I want to do into it. If this were a about making one album, I would think about various things like “I’m doing this song with DIR, I’m sorry”. I don’t have that kind of annoyance, and I can do what I want to do within myself. Also, (expressing myself) in words like this……it’s a bit exaggerated to say it in this way, but I think I had a lot of things I wanted to convey in words. I also realized that.
Zdroj:https://thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness.tumblr.com/post/643427902991581184/it-felt-like-lets-go-as-far-as-we-can-go
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