It was the kind of interview that made me believe in them forever. DIR EN GREY’s first digital single, ‘Ochita koto no aru sora ’, it’s a song like a warning bell that appeals to live without looking away from this restraining reality, as well as the desire to bet on a band of five members. Of course, there,the feelings of how each member feels about Corona are included there.
In this solo interview with Toshiya (Bass), he talked about the melancholic feelings he is having facing the current situation of the world.
In his own words, he feels sometimes hesitant to say his own thoughts, the conflict, the indecision, but at the same time, he revealed the reason why a strongly man like him felt the necessity to be in this band.
Text by: Higuchi Yasuyuki
Photos by: Sasahara Kiyoaki
Hair&Make-up : Yamaguchi Atsushi
“Putting their problems aside, we have lived mediocrely. Then, facing this situation, we are unable to compete. But that’s the negative part that we have been facing for a long time”
-The other day, I was allowed to hold an event at a certain place.
T: Thank you. You were really helpful.
-It’s been a while since I witnessed the scene of the 5 of you reunited together. Your presence in the dressing room at that time, felt like a person who was really at home.
T: What do you mean? (laughs) Well, I haven’t been meeting people.
-It’s a time that it’s stimulating (meeting people)…
T: It’s scary, isn’t it? If you get infected, you will affect those around you, moreover, if you get someone else infected…..you think about those things after all.
-Staying all time at home made you feel depressed?
T: Not really. Basically, because in the first place, my life is the same as when we are doing our underground activities.
-The other members believed the same (laughs)
T: So, it wasn’t depressing. These activities were rather normal or even plain. Well, if I had to say something that was different than usual…. thanks to having more time than usual (the single), it was completed very smoothly.
-It seems like that.
T: Originally, we were planning to record while touring but the postponement of the tour gave me some time and it was very smooth.
-Are you always on a tough schedule?
T: It’s already rough. And at the very end I always feel like I’m compressing everything so in that sense, it was every easy to do (the single) this time.
-If you had made it between tours as planned, wouldn’t the single have a different style?
T: There is a possibility. However, I don’t think it would be completely different…. I don’t really know.
-That’s right. Personally, when I listened to this song, I thought about how you would perceive the current situation as a band that can’t see what lies ahead. It’s a song with a lot of power and energy, are you worried about the future of the band?
T: I see. About what your personal thoughts…. I think this band will be fine as long as the members are living, like, the band will continue on as long as the members are alive. It might be an extreme reasoning but that’s what I think myself. Regardless of the Corona and what will happen after it.
-Because you don’t think that just because of this situation….
T: Yes. Because I think Dir en grey is consisted by these 5 people. Well, until now, I used to say it with words in interviews and so, but maybe recently I really came to think that.
-It could be.
T: In the past, being honest….when I was thinking about the band….of course I know I’m a person that would be in a band but I thought that there was no reason why it had to be these five people.
-That way of thinking its not only limited to you, that’s a thing you think when you are young.
T: It’s not only related to bands but also to human relationships. For example, let’s say that you insult someone on the internet. Of course, there might be a reason behind why that person got insulted but rather than insulting them, don’t say anything. You accumulate those things inside (the attacks/insults) and eventually that person will….like….*
*He is is making a subtle reference to the recent news of Hana Kimura’s suicide after being harassed online.
-There was this sad incident….
T: The places, the time, and the people I cherish are not eternal. A word that has no meaning at that time, the words of someone who doesn’t understand the true meaning of what they are saying. With a single word that dances around with collective complicity, important things can be broken in a instant. That resignation…no… if you don’t have that awakening, that you don’t need to insult someone or do just as you please….
-Do you think you are the type of person that lets those things accumulate in yourself?
T: How should it be? But I want to cherish where I am, I know that this position is only possible with these five people, so I sometimes I don’t express my thoughts, but it’s like that for all human beings, right?
- When you started the band, you were more self-assertive but you had to change that in order to be able to continue in this band.
T: That’s right. After all, I’m basically a very selfish person (laughs), so I feel like I’m going to destroy the place I’m in if I’m a selfish person like I was in the past. Isn’t that scary?
- You have that kind of trait rooted in yourself.
T: When I was a kid, I was always selfish and selfish, for example, even if I played soccer with my friends, if I had the ball, I would go to the score goal myself. I didn’t pass it to anyone (laughs)
-But team playing is an important thing in sports….
T: I had no spirit of cooperation. I was often told that by my parents. Like “As you are not cooperative, you’re better off doing things alone than doing it with others”.
-And such a person has been in the same band for over 20 years (laughs)
T: That’s right. That’s why I feel that the band has given me spirit of cooperation with others. If not, I would still be running to the score the goal with the ball (laughs).
-But that kind of person is doing the bass in a band called Dir en grey, so I think it’s a perfect balance.
T: Is that so?
- The members in charge of bass and drums tend to be less self-assertive and more cooperative than vocals and guitars. I think that’s probably because rhythm is related to the fundamental base of music and it’s created by the instrument that play it.
T: In the past, that was the impression, right? About the bass. Like being a step back from everyone and playing silently.
-But you are not that type of bassist. In the first place, each of you asserts themselves on stage.
T: I agree. I mean, I’ve never though that “because I was the bassist I had to take a step back” (laughs)
-That’s what DIR EN GREY is. I thought that it must be hard for the band to have a bassist with such a strong presence when I saw the current shooting.
T: What it’s hard?
-I meant that the individuality of each one of you collides violently. You can’t take pictures like these with 5 people, right?
T: That’s right. In a good way, it’s also the band’s mood. That’s why I’ve been playing in this band with a mysterious sense of balance. I’m not going to take a step back, and while I have a desire to go forward, I’m also conscious of not going too far.
“I feel that the band has given me spirit of cooperation with others. If not, I would still be running to the score the goal with the ball (laughs).”
- You said that you have acquired that kind of balance in this band.
T: That’s what I think. And that doesn’t apply just to me, but also to the other four members. Like, everyone is looking properly at others, not only themselves. It’s the same at lives, and of course what you want them to see it’s your playing but what I really want them to see the most is the sight of these five people standing there. That’s what the image of a cool band might be and on top of that, each of us can shine in their own way.
- As I said earlier, I think you are really a strong person. And I think that’s something that all the members of this band have in common.
T: That might be true.
- So, your personalities collide violently, and that friction is what creates your sound. However, on the other hand, there are some moments in which you have negative thoughts, or you are not confident in yourself.
T: That’s right. After all, I don’t have self-confidence.
- Especially in your case, I feel that you often make statements like that in interviews.
T: Is that so?……mmmm…..I wonder why….but it’s like… I think that saying that kind of things doesn’t matter in some cases?….
-What do you mean with “it doesn’t matter”?
T: Well, like they ask “are you confident?” and you are, but saying those things openly/loudly isn’t something that is bothering? I think it’s only me who knows in what I am confident and in what aspects I am not. But then, do you know yourself well? If you ask me, I don’t know the answer at all. In short, you probably shouldn’t believe the words you are told.
-You don’t believe in those words?
T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all I believe it’s like that. Also, I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person.
-You don’t believe in those words?
T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all, I believe it’s like that. Also I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person.
-You are considerably demeaning yourself.
T: But I think that it’s true. That’s why…. when I’ve been interviewed like this, in fact it’s the truth, I have nothing to say to them. I have a lot of things to say regarding myself but I just end up saying “this and that”.
-Do you mean you’re not very confident about yourself?
T: Well, that’s not the case. It’s difficult to express it with words. There it’s like I’m at their mercy/ under their control. Like, words are something that create a perception/image about yourself. As I said earlier, internet is a place in which a lot of people are playing and manipulating words. Every time I look at it, that’s what I think.
-I sometimes think that too. As it is a way to communicate with words, sometimes I get a feeling like “Are you really thinking what you are writing?”
T: That’s right. And now that I’m suddenly thinking about this, that’s something I personally don’t like. It’s like you have to say the words that people are expecting you to say. That’s why when in the first day of the Pia arena Vip event hosted by another person, he told me “finally, say some words or a message for the fans”, and I did just say “thank you”.
-Now that you said so, that’s what happened. While the other members said a few more words, you just said “thank you”.
T: I wanted to convey my feelings to the fans…. but at that moment, I felt like I was just trying to say something good and the options of what could I say were too many. Then, what did I want to say to the fans?…. When I was thoroughly thinking about that, there was just a feeling of gratitude there.
-So, you said “thank you”.
T: Yes. I could only say that. At times like these, especially now, that the world/society is worried, I wanted to say something supportive. Like courage.
-That’s it.
T: It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I said those words to keep up the appearances, I thought to myself “what hypocrisy!”. After all, I’m a horrible guy (laughs)
-You are not a horrible guy. Quite the opposite.
T: You are being tricked (laughs)
-You are wrong (laughs) That’s you thinking that I am too innocent (to fall for that). I think that we don’t want to contaminate the pure part of ourselves.
T: That’s right. But the more you keep repeating words over and over, the more it feels like you are making excuses. That’s why I want to keep a distance from people as much as possible.
-But you don’t hate people, right?
T: Yes, I don’t hate them.
-I can see that by talking to you. So, I think that you have a stronger desire to be honest with people.
T: Yes.
-That’s why the only thing you said was “thank you”.
T: Yes, but I thought about it when I was going back home. Like, there were more things to say to the fans, right? That’s why I talked a little more the second day.
-That was what happened.
T: I’m really a problematic guy (laughs)
-Especially now, it’s the same when it comes to words and communication, even though there is like a sense of distance between people, isn’t the world itself currently under a situation that makes us feel nervous?
T: That’s right.
-It’s the same as the online slandering/defamation. The movements for searching and censor politically incorrect/slandering words are also happening. I think that when I see those kinds of things. I feel like we are going to talk about this topic right now. I think this band when it comes to communication, there is like a sense of distance from people. I thought you were just a group of people who weren’t good at that.
T: That’s right. In a place that it’s strange for you, it’s like you are more aware of your surroundings.
-Even if you have a sense of ego, you are not good at showing it off. You are not good at showing off enthusiasm to make people go crazy. However, everyone has the same feelings about the band, and face the same direction.
T: That’s right. I think that’s something that link the five of us together.
-But you don’t talk about that to each other. I wish I could say the proper words but, looking at it from a third person perspective, any of you do that.
T: That’s right. It’s like that these 5 people are just…. isn’t it like if we are just warping feelings?
-As you as you try to put it into words, it sounds like something with no depth or thoughtful. That’s something I personally think that applies to the current world as well.
T: I think that too. Certainly, I think these five people are a group of people who are just warped. So, what comes to my mind when we are having this conversation, it’s that it’s important for this band to face the negative parts of these five people, including myself.
-That’s right.
T: So, isn’t it like the current situation making us have to face the negative part of ourselves? It has become very clear that we were pretending to not see it. However, it’s not something that we just started doing, we pigeonhole the issues all the time and lived in a mediocre/all-too-common way, but in the face of this situation weI can’t do anything and we can’t compete. But I think that’s the negative part of us as people and we have been facing that in the band.
“Everything is a lie or a fake image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious.
-For sure. You have dared to look at that part and express it.
T: You can say that the fact that these five people were warped caused it to happen. I usually live without caring about the negative part in me. I think you wouldn’t be able to live if you care about it. I don’t want to think often “I’m a horrible guy”. But in order to express myself in this band, I have to face my negative part very much. That’s why this band has conveyed a world view in which the negative air/atmosphere is overwhelming
-So, it’s linked.
T: I think so. That’s why nowadays everyone is obsessed with the darkness of internet and SNS. Even if you know that what’s over there are lies or fantasies/illusions. Things that are hard to face in real life there feel sweet, because there are no meaning/consequences, they gather there like a flock of sheep. It’s like, when you look at it, it’s full of words of daily complaints or things said out of boredom
“Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”
-I see. After our talk, I can understand now why you don’t do SNS. After all, it’s a more annoying/fastidious thing than what I was thinking. For those who face fans and people.
T: It’s normal for me, right? Some people say that doing SNS will shorten the distance with fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels distant. I think that you can already tell the reason (why I don’t do SNS) after all we have talked so far.
-Because it’s a false image/pretence?
T: Yes. Well, I think that everything has a false image but that’s why I’m like “what are people thinking while they are using them?”.
-Of course, there are several problematic aspects, but after all its roots are very useful.
T: Of course, it’s convenient, and I’m a person who benefits from them (SNS). Above all, there are members who are doing SNS, and I understand it, it is important to connect fans and with the member but probably it’s something that it’s not made for me. I feel sorry for the members who are doing it.
-Hahahaha.
T: That’s why, after all, I’m a horrible guy, a guy who can’t keep up with the times (laughs)
Zdroj:https://thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness.tumblr.com/post/629955956515782656/toshiya-interview-phyvol17-translation-22
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